Knowing is painful, seeing is devastating

Knowing that Wei Cheng has passed away was one thing, seeing the coffin at his wake opened a whole new realm of emotions. At least this was how I felt at his wake last evening. I told myself "no more crying" as I did not want to add to the grief felt by his mum or to the others around me. But it all crumbled when his mum held my hands and said,"You must be Miss Goh. Wei Cheng often tells me about going your place to meet up with his classmates. Now he can't anymore." His mum was merely stating facts but those words hit me like a wall. How true...I couldn't hold back my tears...

The 2Jeyers were great, they made him a card with personal dedications from the class and also this beautiful album with photos of our outings. Seeing those photos with Wei Cheng's trademark smile is such a stark difference to the grim atmosphere. The photo album (the 2Jeyers explained) was meant for his mum as they had left pages for Wei Cheng's friends to leave their words and thoughts. Such an incredible gesture of love for them to make that album.

Our large group of 2Jeyers occupied 2 round tables, I mentally counted that almost the whole class was there, except for those who were overseas. Many of the ladies are having their exams and my champion chairperson had TWO papers the next day. Looking around, a thought struck me and I told them,"We've got to stop meeting like this." Some of them understood what I meant and smiled in response.

Being at funerals always get me thinking, and these are a few conclusions I made last night. 

1. Do we need a major event (death or wedding) to be reason enough to make the effort to meet up? We should always make time for our friends. Take it from me when I say that making friends is tough, keeping them takes even more effort. Especially when work takes over your life...

2. Why do we have wakes? I think wakes help us to come to terms with the reality, to let us cry openly, to grieve, to busy us with something to do so we don't just sit there and crash. It's after the wake that we need to be even more cautious about Wei Cheng's mum. That's when she'll really need love and comfort around.

3. On some level I feel that the number of people who make an effort to attend your wake is a testimony to the person you were. Wei Cheng evidently touched many people in his own ernest way as groups of friends just kept coming over the course of the night. I thought about it - this is how I'd like my funeral to be, friends and loved ones all there to tell me that I'd be missed. Alright, I'm starting to get morbid.

Some comments to my first blog entry reflected that you wished you'd have known Wei Cheng better, I think we can all do better in this area, myself included. We should NOW treat others better, say HI to people we might not normally say hi to, make time to organise gatherings for friends, practise more patience with our family members. Let's not wait till we regret not doing better.

Wei Cheng, see what good you continue to bring to others? 

Little else was known of him...

I must admit I am not an avid blogger by any measure. I started one for my daughter almost 2 years back and the posts are getting fewer and further in between.

The reason I am starting another one today is because I was overwhelmed when I read the words "Chee Wei Cheng. The 20-year-old coporal, the older of two sons, was in the army serving his national service. As of yesterday, little else was known of him."

I have followed the news of the dragon boat accident very closely after I realised that Wei Cheng was one of the 5 who lost their lives in that accident. I read the newspaper religiously but I did not read much about Wei Cheng. The clincher was when I came across those words in the Straits Times on Monday.

Wei Cheng IS NOT a nobody. To me, Wei Cheng was a very very sweet gentleman. During my 8 years of teaching, I taught my form class students many things, one of the most important was what it meant to be a lady and a gentleman. This is a demanding call as it really takes personal awareness and commitment to WANT to be a better person. And to me, when I look at Wei Cheng, I think he had blossomed into a fine gentleman.

He was not the president of any council, not a very prominent office bearer in school but he carried himself with simple pride and a ready smile for all. He was a silly chap, he left badminton (I think) for Choir during his lower Secondary school days and I asked him why. His answer was simple, "I think there's a brighter future for me in Choir." (with his ready smile) I remembered telling him then that he'd look odd in Choir as he was quite the ra-ra sort but he proved me wrong. I remember seeing him perform, always singing with a smile! I know that he must have enjoyed himself very much and it was a good CCA move for him.

After he left RVHS, we (2J form class) still make an effort to meet up yearly. Usually, the sweet chairperson and fellow 2Jeyers will turn up with a nice cake to celebrate my birthday. That sweet gesture has turned into a annual event of me cooking them dinner (it's getting nicer with each passing year) and us hanging out and talking and laughing way way into the night. Wei Cheng will ALWAYS be one of the sweethearts who will ask if I needed help (when he arrived) and after dinner, be also one of the first to help me clear the table and take out the trash. This kind of gentlemanly-ness is not to my credit at all. This is a reflection of wonderful home up-bringing and his personal awareness to be a gentleman.

Just two year ago I commented, "Wow!! You're looking way good. Muscles and all." Wei Cheng had shed his singing coat for his new dragon boat jersey. He said with his usual smile that it was a good way to use the time in army to train for a good body. Always a cheeky answer at hand.

Wei Cheng is not without his glorious past. Those who know him well will attest to that. This blog is a suggestion from my husband, who remembers him as a cute chubby boy who became a fine looking gentleman. My husband told me not to be angry with the media to not know much of him and rather than get upset, I should start this blog in remembrance of him. This way, others who know him too can have an outlet to express themselves. This way, Wei Cheng will live in our minds forever.